Fallacy of Accent
by pickledoatmeals
Summary: Heiji's been sleeping a lot in class, and his teachers are going mad. Kazuha confronts him, demanding the reason for her best friend's slumbering activities. Heiji tells her that he's been dreaming of marrying this girl, and Kazuha, despite being hurt, decides to support him. Little did she know that she's the one Heiji's been marrying in his dreams.


**Warnings: **Not beta'd, OOCness

**Disclaimer:** No copyright infringement intended.

**A/N: **Written a while back, with just one or two more chapters to go.

**I.**

It was a white wedding dress she was wearing as she slowly walked down the aisle. The white, puffy, immaculate gown exposed her creamy shoulders without being provocative, and a little trail followed her. Her hair was tied in her usual pony tail, but it was done more elaborately, and a white ribbon bound her locks. Unceremoniously hanging on her neck was a violet charm which bore the Japanese characters for 'Omamori'. A bouquet of white roses was cradled in her hands, and on her face was a child-like smile— pure, unadulterated, innocent.

'That ahou... I told her that wearing these charms as necklaces was a bad idea...' he thought as he fidgeted an identical charm around his neck.

He received a nugde from the person beside him. That person had a huge smirk plastered on his face, and if it weren't for this occasion, he'd surely burst out giggling like a maniac.

Slowly, the bride took the remaining steps to reach the groom who awaits her. When she was finally by his side, she placed her hands over his, and their fingers entwined.

The priest opened his mouth to speak, and when he did, no human sound came out. Instead, his mouth produced a shrill, annoying ring every time he spoke. The groom tried to ask the priest if there's something wrong with him, but the same shriek-y sound came out.

He was baffled. He tried and tried to say something in his normal voice, but all that came out was that shrill sound.

In the corner of his eye, he saw his mother stand up from the crowd. To his surprise, no ringing came from her, and she heard her say clearly and sternly, "Hattori Heiji, you, my son, are going to be so late for school if you continue this."

School? What school? He is getting married today, right? He is getting married... to his... childhood best friend...? To... TO KAZUHA?!

He immediately bolted upright upon the thought of him exchanging I Do's with his best friend. Heck, why Kazuha? But then again, he couldn't think of any other girl...

Heiji was sweating profusely and his eyes were probably as large as dinner plates. His mum asked, "A nightmare?"

It took him a good one minute to answer. "Not really... It's just..."

"Look, son, I am of course concerned of your well-being, but you'll be late for school if you continue to act like this. Kazuha-chan would be worried if you don't show up in front of her gate on time."

The mention of his best friend's name brought him back to reality. He hastily prepared for school—brushed teeth, changed into his uniform, grabbed a toast, and dashed out of their house.

**II.**

"You ahou! Don't you know how long I've been waiting for you?" was the greeting of a furious ponytailed girl.

"S-sorry, Kazuha, I overslept... ehehehe..." he said.

Kazuha stomped away angrily, leaving him to catch up. "This is the fourth time this happened this week. What in Pete's name are you doing every bloody night, Heiji?"

He thought about what he did the last three nights. Homeworks, reviews, mystery books and shows... Nothing which kept him so late at night. So why did he oversleep? Is it because of those dreams he had about getting married to his best friend?

"If you don't want to answer me, fine!" she said while speeding up.

"W-wait, Kazuha!" he increased his pace, and when he reached her, he asked, "You could have went ahead and mailed me about it. Why did you wait for me, anyway?"

This time, it was her turn to be confused. Yes, he's right. Why did she wait for him when she could have told him that she's going ahead because he was taking so slow? But of course she already knew the answer to this.

It is a habit—custom—to walk with him every morning to school. She always waited for him to pick her up, then they'd go downhill while chatting, bickering, laughing, teasing.

All because she wishes to glance at his face every time possible.

All because she wants to spend almost every second with him.

All because she knows she loves him.

**III.**

"...Tooyama-san," the teacher said, his finger pointing towards a collection of Japanese characters written on the board.

"Tooyama-san?" he repeated.

Kazuha's seatmate nudged her. "Tooyama-chan!"

The girl in question transferred her gaze from the orange-dyed scenery by the window to her seatmate. She said softly, "What?"

"The teacher!" the seatmate hissed.

Kazuha looked at her teacher, bewildered. The middle-aged man in front of the class looked at her with narrow eyes and furrowed brows.

"As I was saying—Tooyama-san, kindly translate this clause into English."

She quickly stood up, read the characters, and squinted her eyes. She thought, 'Isn't this a little bit too complex?'

After a few moments of thinking, she said, "Q-qouth...?"

"Yes, 'Quoth'," the teacher said.

"Quoth the raven... Nevermore?"

"That's correct."

She sighed in relief. As she was sitting down, the teacher declared, "Not so fast, Tooyama-san. As a punishment for not listening to class, I am going to have you translate this sentence."

This time, she sighed in defeat as the teacher scribbled kanji and hiragana characters.

An unspoken command echoed in Kazuha's head as her teacher finished writing. She narrowed her eyes in deep contemplation and thought, 'This is a little bit too hard for me!'

Everything became still. Then suddenly, the whole class erupted into a fit of snickers, laughs, and guffaws.

"D-did I just say that?" she asked, her face red in embarrassment.

"Okay, okay, stop it now. Tooyama-san's still got a translation to do," the teacher reprimanded. When the whole class stopped laughing, he continued, "Please go on."

Determined to not embarrass herself any further, Kazuha concentrated on the Japanese sentence written on the board. "A d-dreamer... is one who can only find his way by... moonlight?... And-"

"HATTORI-SAN!" bellowed the teacher, "Sleeping in my class again, eh?"

At the (loud) mention of his name, Heiji immediately returned to his classroom from Dreamland, eyes bleary, and a tiny trail of saliva dangling from the corner of his mouth.

'Damn! I must have slept again... Is there a problem with my sleeping habit? If this goes on...' he thought.

"Tooyama-san, you can now take your seat. Hattori-san here will gladly translate this."

Kazuha looked at Heiji with worried eyes, though she immediately looked away when Heiji looked at her. When she sat down, the Great Detective of the West stood up, took a quick glance at the board, and began demonstrating his skills.

"A dreamer is one who can only find his way by moonlight, and his punishment is that he sees the dawn before the rest of the world," he said in fluent English, and added, "Oscar Wilde."

"Ooooooooohhhhhh," the class said in unison, and little bouts of applause where heard.

The teacher glared at him and cursed under his breath. "Four days in a row, young man, four days in a row. One more time I catch you sleeping and we'll have to take these matters to the faculty. Haven't you had enough sleep during the entire day? This is the last period for the day, and you're still trying to get some winks? And oh, I advise you to consult a sleep specialist. It seems that your problems stem from—"

RRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIINNNNNGGGGG!

The teacher clucked his tongue and tried to say to the whole class who's preparing to leave, "Long quiz tomorrow!"

In the midst of people packing and chatting, Heiji approached Kazuha and gently tugged her arm. "You're not mad anymore, aren't you?"

Kazuha shook his arm off. "What's wrong with you? Waking up very late, sleeping almost the entire day... Have you been solving cases nonstop without telling me? Don't you know just how plain dangerous that is? Heiji, your life could be at stake with each case you solve in the dead of night!"

"Ahou! Where did you get the idea of me solving cases?"

"What else could keep you up so late and cause you to be so sleepy?"

"Like I've said, I haven't been sneaking off to solve cases!"

People stopped dead in their tracks to watch the couple fight. Almost, if not all of them, were amused; the two of them fighting was not a rare occurrence.

"What is it about this time?" one asked.

"Must be about Hattori-kun's sleeping in class..." someone answered.

"Something that petty? Really, they act like a married couple..." another said.

In the corner of the room, the clinking of coins was heard, accompanied by groans of defeat and chuckles of triumph. "I told you, they'll fight eventually!"

Having noticed the stoppage of the commotion, Heiji quickly grabbed Kazuha's wrist firmly and brought her outside.

"H-heiji! What are you doing? It hurts! Release me, now!" she complained.

"Let's talk somewhere else." he said seriously, not letting go of the other's wrist.

**IV.**

He threw a cold can of soda towards her direction. She caught it, opened it, but didn't drink it. He, on the other hand, immediately chugged down half of the can's contents.

"So? What do you want to talk about?" Kazuha asked, not looking at him.

Heiji paused for a moment before answering. After taking in some air, he said, "Do you want to know the reason why I sleep a lot lately?"

Kazuha just looked at him without saying anything, as if beckoning him to continue.

"For the past three nights, I've always dreamed about her. She's treading the aisle while I waited at the altar. I don't know why I've dreamt about marrying her, and it's because of this question that I lie awake at night. Marrying her is just... absurd. Really absurd. I've been thinking of the answer the entire time." he explained, a small blush of embarrassment creeping up his cheeks.

Kazuha just narrowed her eyes. Yes, she heard that right—Heiji is in love with someone else. He didn't directly say it, but considering his best friend's obliviousness, he probably doesn't know of his own feelings yet. And besides, it could eventually lead up to this. She is a strong girl, and she wouldn't cry over something like that.

But it still hurt.

Heiji continued, "I honestly don't know what made this happen. I mean, I see her every day. I think a lot about her, I guess... But not because I l-love her or anything! It's because I care for her, but not romantic love or anything! That's why I thought that it'd be really strange if I were to marry her! Kazuha? Kazuha!"

"E-eh?" she muttered, ignoring the imaginary glass shards piercing her heart, "O-oh... Sorry Heiji, what was that again? I think you were at that part wherein you're denying that you like someone..."

"Ahou! I'm not denying anything! And I never said that I like someone!"

"Geez... You're a detective, right? How could you be so dense? Of course you like her! You think about her the entire time, and even dream of her for three consecutive nights! How could you say that you do not like her?"

Kazuha repressed her feelings too well. Deep inside, she knew that she was lonely beyond words. Hell, she loves Heiji, and then he'll just come up to her and say that he's crushing on someone? Then again, it's an unspoken oath towards best friends to confide to one another... And what right does she have to be jealous? She isn't Heiji's girlfriend, and Heiji doesn't like her. End of the story.

However, she still managed to laugh and tease about Heiji's dilemma. 'Great,' she thought, 'Just great.'

"I told you, I don't like her! I just think of her as my little sister... a follower! It's just normal, right? You get mad and uneasy when boys surround her because you're just being a protective brother and master, right? You don't want someone stealing what's yours, right? It's nothing more than familial love, right, Kazuha? Kazuha..."

She looked away from him. "Here, Heiji, I don't think that I'd be drinking this," she said, giving the can back to him, "And I need to get home quickly so I can study for that English test. I'll be taking my revenge on that teacher! Well then, I'll see you tomorrow, ahou! Be sure to wake up on time!"

And with a final (forced) smile and wave of goodbye, Kazuha dashed off the scene, struggling to keep the salty droplets of water from escaping their chambers.

And she thought that she wouldn't cry. She's too strong for that. Stubborn, even.

But for another girl to share the same relationship with Heiji as she has with him—that's just too much. Kazuha thought that the only girl Heiji treated like a sister or follower was her. (Being siblings became their all-too predictable excuse when people tease them.) She thought that the only girl Heiji treated like a follower was her. (Apparently, his reason for his jealousy—uneasiness, according to him—was that because his follower is going to be taken away.)

Whoever that—bitch—is, she'll surely get an earful from Kazuha.

Oh, if she only knew...

**V.**

He sighed for what seemed like the umpteenth time that night. For the past few hours, he hasn't moved from that position—arms at the back of his neck whilst he laid on his bed.

It really surprised him to see Kazuha storm away in all of a sudden. Heck, he was even thinking of helping her out on their English quiz tomorrow. He couldn't have said anything wrong, could he? So what made her childhood best friend upset this time?

Moreover, The Mysterious Case of the Most Absurd Wedding hasn't been solved yet. There are still points he wasn't able to figure out. If he were to put it into comparison with a real case, he must first uncover these four things: 1.) The Trick. What made him dream about Kazuha? Are there any specific incidents, objects, or events which affected his subconscious? If there are, just what method did the culprit use to make her appear in his dreams every night? Is it something psychological? Spiritual? Or maybe, the thing he fears the most—something supernatural?; 2.) The Culprit. In every crime, there is a mastermind. He must catch this offender before aggravating the situation. Just who is this person making him dream about the weirdest things? Who is the brain behind all this commotion?; 3.) The Evidence. Even if he did manage to find out the trick and culprit, without the evidence, it would all be useless. He needs a solid proof so that he could apprehend the criminal and make him pay for his crimes; and lastly, 4.) The Motive. They aren't really obliged to know the full reason, but they can't just go accusing someone without having an inkling about their motive, can they? (Else the suspect might try to turn the tables by telling him that he has no motive to commit the crime.) What is the culprit's objective after making him dream about Kazuha every night? Is it to get him scolded by teachers? Make his grades plummet? Embarrass him? Revenge? Or simply deprive him of sleep? And what's the whole backstory for arriving at this sort of motive? What's the history behind it?

Sadly, dreaming-of-marrying-your-best-friend (which Heiji thinks is absolutely ridiculous) isn't a crime. It's his own problem, something he has to deal with personally. There is no trick, culprit, evidence, and motive involved at all. This problem of his is a perfect crime.

Looks like he'll never be able to point his finger somewhere and gloriously declare, "The culprit... is none other than... YOU!" Yes, this is an unsolved mystery for the dark-skinned Great Detective of the West, Hattori Heiji. His unblemished record would be stained by a 'Cases unsolved: 1'.

Just the thought of not solving a case made his ego mad. 'If things are already turning into this, might as well treat this into a real case,' he thought. Unfortunately, cases of this nature couldn't be brought to the police. And he certainly couldn't consult with his so-called (other) best friend... Or could he?

An imaginary light bulb flicked on his head, and in a fraction of a second, he was sitting on his bed and dialling a certain someone's number.

"Hello? I have a case for you. It's a perfect crime, Kudo."

**tbc**


End file.
